THE LAUGHTER AND PAIN

One thing that happened in Honolulu while prepping for the wedding, at my Mom's house on Kolohala St, there was a knock on the door...there stood Johnny. He finished the marines, had met a girl visiting on Maui and they were also getting married. We both hugged and knew there was still tons of chemistry but the timing was impossible and it was too late to be together.

1960 we each married someone else that was "second choice", for very different reasons. They would live on Maui and we would live in the San Francisco area of Pacifica. Our first child was born in St Lukes Hospital, their's a year later in Maui Memorial, each a boy. They went on to having 2 more boys and we, two girls.

This all reminds me of another Johnny story in high school.
He decided to loan me his corvette (stick shift of course) while he took a trip home to Maui for a few weeks. I was excited but had no clue how to drive it..and I didnt tell him that small detail. He jumped out at the airport and handed me the keys. I jerked that little bomber like it was ready to throw up..and of course I stalled it too. I made it home, parked it in our driveway, and the next morning it had rolled in to the middle of the street...Of course I didn't know you had to leave it "in gear"...and I never told him.

I had a really easy delivery with my son, my first child, Robert. He was born on June 24, 1961 and I was 20 years old. He was 8 lbs8 oz and I was one of the first to have natural childbirth. I had gone to classes to learn the breathing techniques . They also provided a private labor nurse in my room to help me remember how to concentrate on my breath. I remember her saying "think in your throat..think in your throat" the theory being that ones mind can only think of one place at a time ie I could not think of the pain that was happening down below.

These doctors & hospital were the very first to allow the fathers to watch the delivery, but Dickie couldn't bear it. He was there for the labor but couldn't take the final show. He was certainly excited to see what he did experience and the miracle of it all but he missed the wonderful happiness of being there as Rob was being pushed out of me, seeing whether he was a girl or a boy. I even had a mirror up on the wall so I could watch. It was such elation. I was so hyped that I was able to get off the gurney and carry my BABY to the hospital nursery where they would clean him up and check all his fingers and toes. My doctors worked as a team..Doctors Miller, Winch and Moss and each were at one of my childrens' births.

Rob was named after his paternal grandfather, Robert, his middle name, my Mother's maiden name. I was so ready to be a Mom..but my Mother was now in a hospital in LA, dying of her breast cancer. Her brother was caring for her and they were waiting for 2 weeks after the birth for us to fly down to see her and be with her. My milk was overflowing but it wasn't filling my boy so he was crying all the time until we figured it out...something was wrong with my milk..we put him on formula and at last we got a night's sleep. We fly to LA, my mother just looked terrible and she was on heavy doses of Morphine..she was hallucinating that my Daddy was on the phone down the hall so I had to pretend to go there and talk with him. Mama died the next day.

I was not prepared for the funeral. I was so preoccupied with motherhood that I wasn't thinking much about how sad and sorry I was that my mom had to suffer so much...that was until I saw the back hoe shoveling dirt and digging the hole. I cracked. To even write , at this moment, I can't help but cry again and choke up. It's such a terrible last memory that I must live with...that along with my sorrow over being such a brat and selfish daughter. I think this is why I write this..it is healing and it is exhaling all that stuff that you wish you could take back. Thank you whoever you are for listening.